I want very much one day for RFV to be on FM Radio, but I feel that it is utterly important if it is to ever be on FM radio, everyone involved and anyone who might listen to the show, must without a shadow of a doubt, understand what RFV Is about, was about, and will always be about.
I have been thinking a lot about sex, sexuality, and gender lately. I think part of it is because Vancouver PRIDE week is just a few more days away. For those of you who have not had the pleasure of being around Vancouver during Pride week, it’s a fucking phenomenal experience.
This is the very first year that I plan to spend as much time in Vancouver during Pride Week as possible. I want to experience it all from the first day to the last, I even want to go to the after parties when the festival is over.
I’ve also been thinking about the art of coming out of the closet. Back in the 90s when Ellen announced she was gay, it was a huge step forward. For every boy and girl sitting at home who loved Ellen purely because she was funny, it was thirty minutes of escapism.
LGBTQ youth in that era didn’t have to think about the horrors of hiding their true selves while watching Ellen.
They We could just escape into Ellen’s comedy, but the day she came out? When she announced she was gay? Every person who watched that episode dropped their jaws.
For me, it was because it was the first time anyone I knew of, and genuinely respected had said the words “I am gay.” I don’t think I even really knew at that time why it was such a big deal. I was too busy dealing with the stress of being the outcast – not understanding why.
In that time, I had a friend who told me he was gay in confidence…at the time all I could say was “Don’t tell anyone else.” Not because I didn’t want him to be free to be who he was, but because “I” was so badly bullied for being weird, and different that I was afraid they would crucify him for the same reasons.
Today coming out of the closet is celebrated, it’s ridiculed, it’s treated with such absolute care as if the world will end if you don’t do it…as if the world might end if you do.
When my former best friend told me she was gay, all I could think was “Good, more guys for me.” I was serious when I said the words out loud, the woman was gorgeous, way more beautiful than I thought I was, and I honestly didn’t really care. It did not change the way that I felt about her, I loved her wholly and genuinely, in a way I don’t think I’ve ever been able to love anyone else since.
There isn’t a day that goes by I don’t think of her, that I wonder if there was something I could do to make life better for her – I know without a shadow of a doubt, however, that the pain she is in, is a pain she chooses, it’s not a pain I can fix. So I had to walk away, her destructive ways were causing me harm, in a very physical way – I have the scar tissue on my shoulder to prove it.
I think about that day a lot, however, the day she came out as gay, to me at least, the day she “confessed” and stepped out of a closet that I never needed her to step out of.
I find myself these days instead of asking “do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?” amending the question to “Are you seeing anyone?” because I desperately do not want to offend anyone.
I find myself recently even asking the question “what pronouns do you use?” genuinely wanting to make sure that I am giving the option if needed if desired because I want people to know I stand with them.
Not so long ago I met someone who confessed to me that he is transgender – his family is not impressed for the most part, however – and while I won’t explain more about the experience than necessary in order to protect his identity I will say this.
I have fallen desperately in love with this person – as a human being. As a human being he is funny, kind and although he claims to be shy, after a few beers he’s very open about his ideas of how the world should be, and I for the first time in my life feel as if I have connected to someone who is Transgender.
I don’t know why, but I never really have before, I never really have gotten the chance or the opportunity to sit down with someone who is Transgender identified and explore their ideas of the world and I am truly honored that the universe sent me this person.
I am always without a doubt confused when I see someone point their finger out of their car and scream “queer” like, I’m pretty sure the person you’re calling queer is pretty aware their queer. I’m pretty certain they don’t need you to point it out.
I admit I was always confused by the term “Queer” as the original definition means “weird”.
By the original definition, Donald Trump is the queerest person I can think of, that dude is weird as fuck. Hell, we’re all weird.
Just watch a porno, see the sounds the human body makes during sex, the fact that we as human beings are so focusing on everyone else’s life and life choices could be considered queer.
Human beings are the weirdest creatures on the planet, we’re the only creatures on this planet that go to war over EVERY FUCKING THING, instead of just being supportive of everyone.
We are the only creatures on the planet that try to control every aspect of human life, which by the way is impossible and quickly drives each and every one of us into insanity. Duh.
I can honestly say that I’ve met a human being that I genuinely like and respect, and in another life I could see myself even dating this person – the fact that I am not sexually interested has nothing to do with him being Transgender it’s only because we are in completely different places in our lives. However it got me thinking, he’s not the first Transgendered person I’ve been attracted to, and I doubt he’d be the last.
Some people say this is “Non-Binary Sexuality” I believe, which means that I don’t see gender identity as an obstacle to be with someone. I guess in layman’s terms it means that to my mind love is love and if it isn’t hurting someone, then why should anyone care who I choose to share my bed with?
Apparently too fucking many of you. Over the years billions of Men and Women have been beaten, raped and murdered because they choose to be proud of who God made them. Only because they came out of the closet because they fell in love with someone who doesn’t fit humanity’s idea of “normal” which to me is stupid. A lot of wasted effort goes to hating men and women, because of the identities we have forced upon our children.
My friend and writing mentor Charles Bivona is constantly telling me that I shouldn’t get angry when people use stupid words like “Bae” (which incidentally means Shit in Danish, not something I’d choose to call someone I love, by the way.) because the English language is like the ocean, it’s constantly flowing and moving and evolving.
Which means that at some point someone had to decide that people born with a Vagina were to be called women, and people born with a Penis were to be called men, which also then stands to reason that we as a society can choose as a single entity to decide to change these words as we need.
If we are ever to evolve, to grow as a society, as a healthy society don’t you think that it’s long past time we stop allowing other peoples lives affect how we live as individuals? Don’t you think it’s time that we start bringing love back around? Instead of allowing hate to grow and fester and evolve?
I can’t honestly say I will ever date someone who is Transgendered, and I cannot say that I won’t but what I can say is that I’ve dated a lot of sick twisted abusive men, and none of them were Transgendered. They were all white cis men, so maybe, just maybe, Transgenrered women and men aren’t the problem.
This year, if it matters at all I’m dedicating my advocacy for the LGTBQ Community to my friends in the Transgender community. I want you to know that I stand with you, I love you and I support your right to love, to be free and to be protected the way that everyone else is.
This year I celebrate each and every one of you queer, weird Transgendered, Transsexual people who inspire the world to be courageous, to be strong, and to believe that no matter what, being your true self-means more than pretending to be something you aren’t, to make lesser people happy.
I want to send a very special thank you out to my new friend who has completely changed the way that I think about gender and gender identity without even attempting to. I foresee a long beautiful friendship and that to me is the very best kind of love.